Ways To Annoy A Non-Potterhead
by Rupert Grint's Biggest Fan
Summary: How do you annoy someone who hates Harry Potter?


_Hello, everyone! I'm back with another story! As always, I hope you enjoy!_

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**Whenever it gets foggy outside scream "The Dementors are coming!" and hide for days at a time.**

Oliver: A great day for Quidditch, this is. Who's willing to bet we're gonna beat Ravenclaw today?

*Some rainclouds gather and a shadow falls over the pitch*

Harry: Dementors! Not again!

*Harry flees*

Oliver: Alright... willing to bet we'll lose?

**Tell them that You-Know-Who was defeated today. When they ask who's you-know-who pretend to be offended and don't tell them who he is.**

George: He looks very beaten up, guys. Do you think he'll be alright?

Ron: He's Harry Potter! He'll be fine, George.

Ginny: We've lost some amazing wizards today.

Draco: Including Voldemort!

**Draw the sign of the Hallow on every surface in the house.**

Ginny: What in the world... Harry!

Lavender: Stop yelling. He's busy.

Ginny: Busy?

Lavender: Yes.

Ginny: Doing?

Lavender: You're quite nosy, aren't you? Harry has been occupied with perfecting his art skills. Must you know?

**If they ask you about the weather solemnly say, "Mars is bright tonight."**

Percy: Off to sleep, all of you! I'm a Prefect.

Ron: Pompous git, you are.

Percy: Go to bed, Ron.

Ron: What's the weather tonight?

Percy: Just go away.

*Fred and George pop up behind Ron*

George: Hey Ron.

Fred and George: MARS IS BRIGHT TONIGHT!

Ron: Stop it! That's not funny anymore!

**Say everything in a sing-song voice like Luna Lovegood.**

Crabbe and Goyle: The Nargles are coming!

Luna: They are? Well, my charm isn't working, is it?

Crabbe: The Nargles are coming!

Goyle: They'll be here shortly!

Luna: I better hope not!

**Say "Alhomora" every time you open a door.**

*Harry's laughter is heard in his dormitory*

Blaise: Well, someone's having a grand ol' time.

Hermione: You see, he's recieved a letter. Hate mail.

Blaise: What?

Hermione: From his uncle.

Blaise: I want to see what that man has to say about our Harry. *walks to the door* Alhomora!

Hermione: You're not using your wand.

**Complain loudly about how your pictures don't move.**

Draco: Blasted thing! Why isn't it moving?

Pansy: Cut wire, maybe?

Draco: I'll never understand Muggle books.

**Always speak with a British accent, especially if your not from the U.K**

Seamus: Hey, I'd love a crumpet! Crumpets and tea!

*Harry saunters into the common room, carrying homework*

Seamus: Hello, fellow. Time for some rugby!

Harry: Are you mocking me?

**Talk to animals and insist that they're animagi.**

Neville: Oi, Hedwig! Are you an Animagus?

Harry: If she was, she'd tell you.

**Hum the Harry Potter theme all day long.**

Snape: Grab some Bicorn horn from the cabinet there, Weasley. And what is that tune you're humming?

Ron: Just something I picked up.

**Spend hours at a time trying to make your broom fly.**

Dudley: Up! Up you get! Now! Up! Up!

Petunia: Dudders, stop shouting at the broom.

**Refuse to wash your hair and explain you're going for the Snape look.**

Ginny: Who are you bringing to the Yule Ball?

Hermione: I told you! Viktor asked me!

Ginny: I can hardly believe that Neville was brave enough to request me.

Hermione: He's coming out of his shell.

*Luna skips in, smiling*

Ginny: Interesting... hairstyle...

Luna: I'm going to dress like Professer Snape. It'll be a laugh.

**Say "Lumos" every time you turn on a light.**

Harry: Lumos. Lumos. Lumos. Lumos. Lumos. Lumos.

Seamus: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Harry: I broke my wand. Just trying to turn the lamp on.

**Sort every person you meet in to one of the four houses.**

Ron: What are you doing, Harry?

Harry: I'm packing.

Ron: Where are you going now?

Harry: I'm visiting my relatives. The only ones I've got.

Ron: Heh... they're bloody oafs, they are. Which houses do you think they'd be sorted into?

Harry: They're all Hufflepuff.

**Yell Crucio when someone insults Harry Potter.**

Draco: Potter really has done a horrid job of keeping out of trouble. What do ya reckon he's gonna do next? Unleash rapists out of Azkaban?

Ron: CRUCIO!

Draco: Awk!

**Pretend you can do magic. **

Filch: Aveda Kedacra! Oops... that ain't right. Avadas Kedavrus? Mrs. Norris, why don't you give it a go?

**Relate everything they say to the Harry Potter books or movies. **

Draco: Muggles, bow down to me!

Vernon Durseley: Who in the blazes are you? Dressed like a hobo and foolishly waving that stick? You're one of those abracadabra folk, aren't you?

Draco: Shut up!

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_Wow. I based this off of a Harry Potter chain letter. Only the bold parts are not mine. _

_Please review!_

_Rupert Grint's Biggest Fan _


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